Saturday, June 25, 2016

Mr. Dicker


Baron Von Munchhausen, the greatest [insert profession] in all of history.

Mr. Dicker
From the registry of the Royal Armory of Bastalia

Munchhausen’s Reality Distorting and Inhibiting Computational Kinetic Energy Rifle, commonly known as Mr. Dicker.

Pedigree -
This rifle was created by history's greatest: raconteur, tactician, artist, musician, explorer, lover, wine critic, brew master, gourmand, public speaker, bowler, marksman, swordsman, and so man other things, Baron Von Munchhausen. According to the documentation that was found with the piece, it was crafted in the year of our Lord 1791. It was purchased from a woman of ill repute for a fee of seventeen gold crowns.

This piece should not be confused with Munchhausen's previous creation: Munchhausen's Rifle of Distortion and Inhibition of Controllable Kinesthesis, or Mr. Dick; which had been previously owned by the Marquis De Sade before being lost during the reign of Napoleon. 

A swarthy soldier from the little travel country of Rhinoplasty.
 
Functionality -
The apparatus consists of two parts attached to one another with a thick cord of wound copper wire, insulated with tarred linen. The rifle portion consists of a musket, whose barrel has been wound with wires of differing composition; Gold, copper, bronze, tin, platinum, electrum, as well as a number metals that have yet to be identified. The flintlock mechanism has been replaced with a small crank, the type that can be found on music boxes and mechanical toys. A stone block, no larger than a man's palm has been imbedded into the butt stock of the rifle, the block is of a black hue and has been inscribed with inscrutable characters that are most likely eastern in nature. The entirety of the wooden stock of the musket appears to be inscribed with glyphs from the most ancient Egypt. 

A helm of similar make used to craft Mr. Dicker
 
The other part of the apparatus, attached with the aforementioned wire, is a helm typically worn by Spanish Conquistadors. The wire attaches to the top of the helm through a fitting that has been added to the helm's construction. The upper portion of the helm is festooned with wires of the same make and materials as those wrapped around the barrel of the musket. Glyphs similar to those etched on the black stone in the butt stock of the musket are also in prominence on the parts not covered with the previously mentioned wires. The helm is secured on the head through the use of leather straps.

When fired, the rifle alters the very fabric of reality to create a series of events where the target comes to injury. These events are created through the imaginative power of the marksman using it. It's greatest achievement being the slaying of the Tarrasque of Lyon by the Baron himself, through a series of events involving every citizen of Lyon and Paris as well as a number of famous institutions both within and without the boarders of France. The only limiting factor in Mr. Dicker's potency is that these events must involve real and true individuals as well as items in the world of man. Inventions of pure fancy do not manifest.

OSR and Into the Odd
Damage: *1+
Rate of Fire: 1 per round
Ammo: The crank on the side of the rifle must be wound each time before being fired, requiring the user to sacrifice their move action to 'load' the rifle.
Range: Line of Sight
Special: The damage is increased by +1 for every agent and object that is mentioned in the series of events that caused damage to the target. (e.g. The Seventeenth Earl of Cummerbund James Flatulence the 3rd aims and fires Mr. Dicker at a near by orc who is being rather rude. The Earl of Cummerbund, being an unimaginative man, is only able to imagine an African Swallow dropping a coconut upon the orc's head resulting in a pittance of 2 damage. 1 damage for the laden European Swallow traveling at speed of 14 miles per hour, and the coconut. However, the Forty-Third Duchess of Cufflinks Gertrude Dyspepsia aims and fires Mr. Dicker at a kobold gyrating his hips in a suggestive manner at her prize winning daffodils. The Duchess of Cufflinks, being a very imaginative woman, does a hefty 11 damage to the lewd kobold through the following scenario:

Her gardener, a Mister Pennywhistle (+1), was walking to the estate gardens (+1) when he spied the shapely bottom of the duchess' chambermaid, Miss Cowbell (only +1 since her bottom is attached to her and the rifle considers them one and the same, which is rather rude of Mr. Dicker if you ask me). Mister Pennywhistle (+0 he's already been mentioned you buffoon!) decides to reach out and give said bottom (+0 once again this has been covered...) a gentle squeeze as a sign of his lecherous appreciation. Doing so, Miss Cowbell (+0 SHE'S ALREADY BEEN MENTIONED!) lets out a shrill cry that startles Mister Glue, the local miller's (+1) aged draft horse (+1 yes, now you get another point of damage...) pulling a cart (+1 yet another object, now you're on the trolley!) filled with barrels (+1) of the local tavern's (+1) finest ale (+1, Mr. Dicker considers the contents of a container to be separate from the container itself, which I think is rather unfair to Miss Cowbell and her shapely bottom). Being startled Mister Glue (+0 you already mentioned him addle brain!) goes galloping down the lane (+1 haven't mentioned this one yet) toward the estate (+0, have you been drinking again?) Upon reaching the estate (+0, dear sir, I believe you have some sort of mental deficiency), he goes crashing through the front gate (+1, your deficiency appears to be intermittent) sending it flying into the air. The gate (+0, I think you are doing this to annoy me) crashes into the Duchess' (+0, yes, you are toying with me, sir, and I do not like it!) prized gazebo (+1, yes, yes a new object, aren't you clever) which in collapses onto the naughty kobold (+0, mentioning the target does not actually get you extra points you cheating cad!). All of this resulting in the kobold's death from 11 points of crushing damage.

Did I mention that the damage type is dictated by the final actor in the series of events? Well, now I have. By the way, Mr. Dicker does not appreciate unimaginative series of events such as a beehive falling upon a target, and then the describing how each individual bee stings the intended victim. The events must be imaginative and involve as may objects and agents as possible to please Mr. Dicker to the fullest! )

The target's Armor Class (In the Case of OSR) still must be met or exceeded in order for the effect to work, even though Mr. Dicker does not fire a real projectile; Mr. Dicker is a stickler for the rules governing war and target practice. On a critical hit the damage is doubled. With the GM's or Mr. Dicker's permission, the user can describe a series of events using the previously mentioned rules, though each actor or object is worth +1/3 and has a maximum of the user's level (OSR) OR 1 for Novice, 2 for Professional, 3 for Expert, 4 for Veteran, 5 for Master, and 6 for Beyond (Into the Odd).

For GM's and Mr. Dickers
In the hand of imaginative players this weapon can be insanely powerful. So, here is a list of options that may be used in order to reign in the power of the weapon. The fun of the weapon is its gimmick, so limiting the damage won't reduce the amount of fun players can have with this thing.

  • Allow a Save vs. Breath (OSR) OR Dex Save (Into the Odd) to take ½ damage.
  • Limit the number of objects or actors that may be involved by the user's Intelligence or Charisma (OSR) OR WILL (Into the Odd)
  • Limit the number of objects or actors the may be involved by ½ of the aforementioned statistics.
  • Only allow a single actor or object to be used once in a description per battle.
  • Roll 1D20 for the maximum number of actors or objects that may be used for that attack.